


the letters jamie left

by Noahstarr



Category: Original Work
Genre: Blood, Other, POV Original Character, Poor Life Choices
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 02:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1728110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noahstarr/pseuds/Noahstarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this story is also posted on wattpad.<br/>this is a life story about a girl.<br/>no sugar or lies, just the truth she never got to tell anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dear world

**Author's Note:**

> original story. also posted on my othere account on wattpad-noahsky.  
> please review i love comments

Dear world, 

To day is December 16th on a snowy winter day. The snow out side is laying perfect shining and the sky is crystal blue. Every thing seems to be perfect. Everything just might be perfect.

First off i would like to say good bye to the ones that created me.....my parents. Lets start with my mom....you brought into this world through a very hard labor. Over the years as i started to grow i began to realize sum things. Just like a Stockholm's syndrome victim you tormented me. The days you left my to stay with your friends they would drink night and day screaming. see at the age of five i learned to survive the chaotic mood swings that all your friends inflicted on me. Dogging microwaves and hiding crack pipes in hopes they wouldn't be found and used.

I never thought playing with life and death was abnormal........well being chased down by your baby sitter high off crack and heroin with a butcher knife. On every "work day" tell you got tired of my complaining of the "nightmare" I had over there became normal. I don't wish pain or sum messed up death on you....I just wish you knew what it cost to keep my mind together. next off is my dad. I left my moms home and came to stay with you. everything was so shockingly normal i couldn't Handel it all.

I mean where were the voices screaming from to much bliss going in there veins? where the guys that all ways pulled out guns to my head? Where was the drugs,blood and pain? I thank you so much for giving me that moment of silence in my brain. time passed by and i did get better...I swear i really did. 

sincerely,

Jamie.


	2. Dear life,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading.  
> this story is also posted on my othere account on wattpad my username on there is noahsky

I would like to believe that every thing happens for a reason. That theirs fate and everyone has a destiny. maybe sum where in a far distant land I was meant for greatness. But on one sunny day while i was still living with my father I saw a shinny gleam above my head. Hidden in a crack of the wooden wall in the living room .

How I even noticed it I don't know. Slowly looking around to see if anyone was watching me I bent down and reach for it. Pulling back a sliver razor blade. At the time i was only in the 3rd grade and only been around drunks and crack heads.....so when I looked down I noticed the sharpness. I couldn't help but to run it across my arm. A thin white scratch appeared leaving a thin red line with it. I cant remember why but I just knew it felt to good to be true.

So every other day I would sneak into the living room when no one was around. which was a very hard thing to do because they never liked leaving me alone for more then a few minutes. I would pull out that shinny little blade and run it across the same old place where we first meet on my arm. It didn't take me that long to realize I had to keep this my secret. No one could know. I mean I couldn't explain why I did what I did I just knew that it got to the point where I could even stay away for a day.

One day my dad insisted I go stay at my aunts house over the night because I need to get to know my family more. The night with out was hell in my body. The next day I couldn't wait to hold my shiny friend again. But this time when I pulled its hiding spot it had sum type of white dust on it. But I was in such a hurry I didn't care so I went over the same pattern i had made before.

If I had knew what was coated on the blade would I still have used it? If I had had sum type of sickness so bad I had to go to the doctors and they took my blood to run tests with................I wonder how they would have reacted to see a 3rd grader with pure coke in her system.

sincerely


	3. Dear memories

Dear memories,

So many times I have thought about this past. if what I had went through really made me the person I am today. If maybe just maybe I had a chance to go back and be a different person. this letter is going to be a short one......because I keep spilling tears on this paper.

There's a song I remember called let me go but hold me forever. It used to make me happy on warm days.sad on cold days. But to day on this very day it makes me want to fly away.  
Sincerely,  
Jamie


	4. let me go but hold me forever

Left me out on that cold day.

I could feel my bones chill.

My tears turned into ice drops.

My heart cried out.

Let me go but hold me forever.

You hurt me so bad but the pain numbs my memories.

This is the only way I want my life.

The only way I know how to survive.

So baby when I fly away know im coming back. Let me go but hold me forever.

This wish will never stop.

Left me out in the cold because you couldn't wait for me to fly back.

I told you I would come back......but whats their to come back to now?

Hold me close but never forget me.


	5. Dear exhaustion

I'm tired of living life like theirs no point in it.

Is there a point in it?

I'm sick of everything and everyone.

Happiness drives me crazy now because no one else notices.

I wonder if I just picked up and dissapeared would anyone notice? 

sincerely,

Jamie.

Dear fantasy,

Rot in hell.

with all love and support...sincerely,

Jamie.


	6. Dear sadistic art

Dear sadism,

I think im starting to fall apart. Each pill I take it suffocates my body. I love the pressure. Its just so relaxing. I don't know how long I have been in this state of mind. Sumtimes my aunt comes into my room and just laughs at me asking me do I want another one?

At this point I don't know why shes here or what shes asking. But strangely I find my self reaching out and when I feel I light pressure setting in my hand,she helps me guild it into my mouth.

Dear sadistic life,  
two Weeks later after this I will only remember two things. Falling into the bath tub fully clothed and the second is my aunt laughing at me..............

Sincerely,

Jamie


	7. the unexplained

Dear world,

 

The unexplainable has happened to me,  
it was like a war broke out in my heart.  
like half my heart was hanging by weathered strans to this realm.........and the othere half in darkness.

One to many nights of kicking my self in desperation. Thinking my only salvation was to bleed my self dry or numb my body.

Iv realised that hitting rock bottom is not as bad as it seems.

So here I am trying to explain the unexplainable, that some how my reality has started a war for me to stay alive. Even if it's not a peacefully existence,something beyond my grasp WANTS me to exist.

So the least I can do is try because trying is all I have left.

sincerely,  
jamie


	8. Dear irritation

Dear life,

the most common word used in my entire life is "Tired".  
I'm tired. I'm oh so very tired. Simply not the my body feels like it's going to collapse tired either.   
Its mentally exhaustion driving the cracks in my subconscious wider, growing bigger and deeper.  
But at least I can't feel it anymore. I'm just waiting for the Dam to break and let lose everything.

All I ever wanted was for someone to just hold me. When I'm scared and when I'm lonely.   
But that's probably to much to ask because its allways to much to ask.

All these people in this world and they all say they "understand".  
I'm not looking for understanding....all I ever been looking for is comfort.

How can I ever find comfort or solence when im surrounded by chaos or misery?

sincerely,  
jamie


	9. Along came zare

Dear pain and anguish,

Sometimes it's nice to wallow in your grief.

To feel it in your veins and have it hug you back like theirs nobody else in the world.

Because their is nobody else in the world that will ever hold you like he does. for awhile I was slightly confused........I mean who just gives feelings sex? Well I did, and I deem that these feelings are a male. 

In some sick twisted way it comforts me to know this. No one may understand but me but as long as I have zare thats all that matters. Because sometimes just having your self to rely on is no help at all.

Some times it tears you open and bleeds you out.....then the screams get muffled becuase your held down by your fears. 

But as usually no one ever hears the pained and anguished.

Your tears are being ripped out of you and hands choke you from the inside out.

Because no matter how far you run your all ways trapped in a the same sickening cage.

 

sincerely,  
Jamie

p.s   
where & when did I come up with the name zare?


	10. this is end of the first book!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! there will be a second book in this seairs called THE SIGNS JAMIE LEFT in Zares pov. this story is ALSO POSTED ON WWW.WATTPAD.COM my user name on there is noahsky


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